Is ‘no’ too painful?

The idea of a ‘yes-man’ has stood the test of time. What patterns produce it?

Not to be confused with the adjacent hype-man, this person just says yes. Why? Oppression or learned helplessness might be present, but both imply victimisation or a one-down position.

Assuming relational responsibility and self-awareness are valued, the unconditioned, perpetual ‘yes’ might be overcome by acknowledging its function as an attempt to allay discomfort. How might a practitioner intervene?

We might hope to mobilise team members’ thinking power and valuable contributions. Having investigated the feelings underneath the ‘yes’, it’s then worth exploring the unspoken beliefs or narratives that preceded it. Why? Because an individual’s relationship to that narrative likely conditions their emotional experience of the team.

For example: ‘the team lead always knows best’, and therefore, ‘I am not a team lead, I cannot know best’ - cue feelings of inferiority, allayed by saying ‘yes’.

Linking cultural patterns and beliefs to feelings and behaviours does the heavy lifting. In zooming out, tracking the dynamic’s appearance, we might have begun with a system that tends to produce compliance rather than independent thought.

Have you come across a less than helpful pattern of yeses in the workplace? What might a successful intervention look like?

This piece draws on the Coordinated Management of Meaning. To explore the framework further, see the Craft of Questions web app. Pearce, W.B. and Cronen, V.E. (1980) Communication, Action, and Meaning: The Creation of Social Realities. New York: Praeger.